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“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.”  – 1 Corinthians 13:1 

We all dream from time to time of being famous, don’t we?  But what is fame – really?

Brenda and I met several years ago in a Bible study that was starting up in a tiny church just east of downtown Dallas.  It was there in one of those get-to-know-each-other small group exercises that we were each asked to share where we attended sixth grade.  Brenda, originally from Longview, Texas, told us that her family was living in Brooklyn, New York at the time she was in sixth grade.  When asked why, she explained that her daddy had been a major league baseball player and was then playing for the Brooklyn Dodgers.  You can imagine how that got everyone’s attention.  Then one fellow raised the obvious question going through all our minds.  “Was your daddy famous?”  He asked.  I cannot adequately describe the gentle, sweet smile that appeared on her face as she lovingly and spontaneously answered, “He was to me!”  What more could she have said to describe her affection for her father than what she expressed in those four simple words?

Charlie Neal (1931-1996) was with the Brooklyn Dodgers from 1956-1961 where he played second base, going on to win the 1959 World Series after the team moved to Los Angeles, hitting two home runs in Game 2 against the Chicago White Sox.  The 1959 season was Neal’s most spectacular where he had 177 hits with 19 home runs and 17 stolen bases, led the league in sacrifice hits and triples, won a Gold Glove at second base, played in the All-Star Game, and hit .370 in the six-game World Series.  Charlie Neal’s career included playing in two World Series, one as champion, three All-Star games, and a Gold Glove Award – all the ingredients for being famous.

But it was not his baseball career that made him famous in the eyes of his daughter.  To her his claim to fame was in being the loving father he was; for if he had been the greatest baseball player of all time and only that, he would have been “only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal”.  But Charlie Neal became famous for what counts most in life – love.  And that’s the real ingredient of fame, the kind we should all dream of.

“. . .their high officials exercise authority over them.  Not so with you.  Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.”  Mark 10:42-43 

The last few years of my corporate career I was privileged to have been on what I considered the “Super Bowl team of our industry”, the exact words I in fact wrote in a letter to my superiors announcing my intention to depart the company and the industry in the coming months.  Reflecting on that over these past thirteen years since I wrote that letter it has become more and more clear to me that much of the credit for our being tops in the industry at that time was the result of strong leadership, in particular our group leader Terry Atkinson, probably the most effective leader I ever served under.

To converse with Terry was more akin to speaking with a colleague than a boss.  Always interested in the opinions, ideas, and concerns of those who reported to him, he listened intently and often took copious notes.  In turn he would share his thoughts to ensure everyone was clear about the bigger mission.  Terry endeavored to hire and retain the best people in their respective fields and to provide whatever support and resources they needed to perform at their best.  Otherwise, he did not micro-manage but rather left it to his leaders and their teams to do their jobs.  Don’t misunderstand that he was easy to work for; indeed his expectations were high, but so were his support and encouragement.

In his newly published book Team of Teams General Stanley McChrystal (U.S. Army, Retired) likened Terry’s style of leadership to that of a gardener.  “The gardener cannot actually ‘grow’ tomatoes, squash, or beans – she can only foster an environment in which the plants do so.”  The General explains, “If the garden is well organized and adequately maintained, and the vegetables are promptly harvested when ripe, the product is pretty impressive.  The gardener creates an environment in which the plants can flourish.”

Reading General McChrystal’s book I could not help but think of my old boss Terry Atkinson.  What set him apart as a great leader was this:  “. . .their high officials exercise authority over them.  Not so with you.  Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.”  Thus he created an environment where all could flourish.

“. . . cling to what is good.”  – Romans 12:9 

Casual dress codes, which evolved from the high tech Silicon Valley world decades ago, didn’t infect the pin-striped-buttoned-down Wall Street culture until around the mid-1990s.  As manager of a business unit for a large Wall Street investment banking firm at the time, it put me in a bit of an awkward position as the boundaries were unclear as to what qualified as acceptable attire.  Especially challenging for me as a man was dealing with these issues with the opposite sex.  Who was I, after all, to judge acceptable women’s fashion?  For the most part, though, the good folks on my staff used common sense in choosing their casual attire, thus thankfully there were few issues.

As for me, though, I chose to continue wearing the traditional pin-striped suits, starched shirts and silk ties.  Some may have thought that to be a bit fuddy-duddy, an expression of unwillingness to change with the times.  Not so, however, in fact I had no objections to the dress code change.  Rather for me personally it was a business decision about how to present myself in such a way that would be most effective for the ongoing development of our business, and I believed – and still believe – appearance plays a role in that.

We all know that appearances can be deceiving.  We also know that the ultimate measure of leadership is effectiveness.  I do not pretend to believe that my appearance had any impact on that my personal performance or that of my team, except in providing a slight advantage in opening more doors more often.  And believe me, we needed all the help we could get with that.

Our house will never be listed on the tour-of-homes, but we do keep our yard maintained and attractive, and our house is clean, tidy and comfortable inside.  Nor will I ever appear on the cover of GQ, or Tee in a fashion magazine, but we do make a point each day to dress and groom neatly.  Simply put it helps open doors so we can perform more effectively as human beings in our friendships, with neighbors, and those with whom we do business.  So why did I keep wearing pin-striped suits when the rest of the world had gone casual?  It worked!  And as the Apostle Paul tells us, “. . . cling to what is good.”

“If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”  – Ecclesiastes 4:10 

Watching children learn, grow and mature is like the magic of observing a caterpillar transform into a butterfly.  Take for example our number three granddaughter, Corrina, who like most children began to declare her independence at around age two.  “I do it myself!” has been her mantra about almost everything.  Now we all know, of course, what’s about to happen when a two year old insists on, say, pouring her own milk.  Yeah, better grab for the paper towels.  But recently we’ve noticed her attitude starting to soften, indicating perhaps some maturity as she approaches age four.  She doesn’t seem so quick to “do it myself” and even welcomes having a little adult help.  Crossing the street, for instance, she reaches for our hands rather than resisting us grabbing hers.  Don’t get me wrong, Corrina hasn’t figured it all out yet.  What four-year-old has?  But there are signs of a butterfly emerging from our little caterpillar.

“People – people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world.”  Remember Barbara Streisand belting out those famous lyrics in the Broadway musical “Funny Girl”?  The fact is all people need other people.  But the lucky ones – or should we say the wise ones – are those who have figured out that our Creator specifically designed life for companionship, not independence and isolation.  We need each other to lean on and depend on, not only to survive but to help us become our best and most productive selves.

As my parents got older I noticed they held hands or locked arms more often, probably for physical support as much as showing affection.  To love and support one another for rich or poor, in sickness or health as long as they both shall live was central to their wedding vows.  It also modeled the behavior God had intended for all humanity.

We are not here on earth to serve ourselves, but to serve God and others so “if one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!”  People who need people are the luckiest people in the world, but people who truly know the value and joy of companionship are the richest and wisest people on earth.

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”

Proverbs 11:2 

There’s a great story about one of my Dad’s good friends who many years ago had purchased a prize bull for which he paid top dollar.  The man – who happened to be a very successful pharmacist, businessman, and rancher, but also a notorious braggart –strutted around his drugstore for weeks boasting about his shrewd acquisition; that is until he discovered the bull to be unable to do – well, you know – what bulls are supposed to do.  Needless to say, his large ego was completely deflated.  To make matters worse my Dad, ever the prankster, wouldn’t let it die, nicknaming his druggist friend old “T-Roy”, which he had to endure the rest of his life.

Haven’t we all blundered like that at least once?  In 1985 I made what I thought to be the career decision of a lifetime.  And like my Dad’s friend I strutted around for weeks boasting about my shrewd professional move, only to discover that my presumed road to success was in fact a road to nowhere.  There I had uprooted my family to move to another city, only to discover it was all a big mistake.  At least no one branded me with a ridiculous nickname, something for which I am most grateful.

Some things just don’t turn out the way we expect, and few people I suppose go through life without making errors in judgment from time to time, in spite of the best intentions.  While not our proudest moments, those humbling experiences generally prove to be critical lessons that help us grow, succeed, and find fulfillment later on.

The Proverb writer said it best:  “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.”  My Dad’s buddy and I both experienced a good dose of that – pride then disgrace, humility then wisdom.

Eventually my career recovered and the pain of that prideful misstep began to fade away.  As to the acquisition of that “prize” bull T-Roy, his memory might also have faded into the walls of the old drugstore – except for my Dad who would just never let it die.