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“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”  – Hebrews 10:24 

Tuesday mornings at 7:30 you will almost always find me at the same place, meeting with a small group of men.  We’ve been meeting together for years, and unlike what you might think it is not a bunch guys drinking coffee and gabbing about sports and politics, far from it.  No, we meet for a specific purpose with a strict agenda that begins with a brief prayer after which each of us shares three things:  (1) what is going on in our relationship with God; (2) what each of us is studying to increase his knowledge and understanding; and (3) what we are doing individually to help someone else, or to make the community and the world a better place.  That hour on Tuesday morning is without question the most inspiring and powerful time I spend during my week; thus, I seldom miss.  Nothing I do influences and holds me accountable for the way I live my life from week to week more than spending time with that group of friends.

I used to think I could do things on my own, or at least I liked to think I could.  Part of that came from the belief that I needed to somehow prove myself, my self-sufficiency and self-worth.  We Americans tend to glorify rugged individualism, those who make it by pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps.  I wanted to be like that, so I thought.  But that’s not really how life works, is it; for how would I have ever gotten to where I am today without the help of others?

The most minimal review of human history bears witness to this, that the mere survival of mankind, indeed its advancement, has depended on the formation of communities providing mutual support for one another – tribes and villages, towns and cities, not to leave out the most basic family unit.  In today’s world communities develop to support all sorts of common human needs – neighborhoods, schools, churches, civic clubs, sports teams, orchestras, businesses and workplaces to name a few. 

This past week I noticed an elderly lady, a stranger, standing next to me at a crosswalk who seemed a bit unsure of herself stepping off the curb.  I offered my hand, which she gratefully accepted.  We all need a helping hand, don’t we?  It is why communities exist.  “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 

Traveling through Mississippi a few years ago we decided to take a detour through the Vicksburg National Military Park, the site of a long series of significant and bloody Civil War battles.  Being on a tight schedule we did not have time to linger as we would have liked, that is until we wandered upon the Vicksburg National Cemetery where nearly 17,000 Union soldiers are buried, 13,000 of whom are unknown.  Can you imagine?  There we did pause for a while to meditate upon the sacrifices of those thousands of slain young men, including all the mothers who must have grieved the rest of their lives having never known for sure what happened to their sons and why they never returned home.

What does it mean to lay down one’s life for his friends?  For certain it would mean dying in order to save another, but in the scheme of things the large majority of us will never be faced with such circumstances as jumping in front of a bus to save a child or falling on a grenade to save the lives of comrades in battle.  Yet, Jesus seems to be speaking to all of us about laying down our life for a friend, not just those faced with literal life or death situations.

What about parents who sacrifice on behalf of their children so they can have a better life?  Does that count as laying down one’s life?  Or, a teacher committed to the profession of teaching, a doctor or nurse dedicated to healing, an employer endeavoring to keep his company profitable in order to provide jobs for others, or an employee serving his employer to the same end?  What about those who fight to preserve freedom or the ones who strive to conserve the environment?  What about simply living life in such a way that has a positive influence on another?  Are these not examples of laying down one’s life for another?  And surely the grieving mothers of those thousands buried beneath the soil at Vicksburg would have, given the opportunity, died in place of their beloved sons so they could live.

Laying down one’s life on behalf of another, however that occurs . . . it is indeed the greatest act of love there is, and the only thing that will ever truly give our lives meaning.

“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me . . .”  – Psalm 138:8 

“Be serious and frequent in the examination of your heart and life. . . . Every evening review your carriage through the day; what you have done or thought that was unbecoming your character. . . . Have a special care of two portions of time, namely, morning and evening; the morning to forethink what you have to do, and the evening to examine whether you have done what you ought.  Let every action have reference to your whole life, and not to a part only.  Let all your subordinate ends be suitable to the great end of your living.  Exercise yourself unto godliness.”  – John Wesley

Who have you known in your life that has come closest to practicing John Wesley’s discipline of reflecting each day in the morning about what you have to do, and again in the evening about how well you did it?  For me I suspect my maternal grandmother – who I’ve mentioned numerous times in these articles – must have had such a discipline for she sure lived as if she did.  She was as clear about the “great end” of her living as anyone I’ve ever known, which was loving God and loving other people.  For her nothing else mattered much unless it pertained to that purpose.  And I think because of that she was consistently one of the most joyful people I’ve ever known.

Too many of us I’m afraid either live in survival mode or at best we get up each day and simply respond to what comes our way, unclear of our true purpose or the “great end” of our living as Wesley referred to it.  Perhaps that explains why Rick Warren’s book The Purpose Driven Life became so ragingly popular a few years back, because of that longing for clarity of purpose we all have.  It’s nothing new, for as Warren reminds us, it “has puzzled people for thousands of years.”  Why?  “That’s because we typically begin at the wrong starting point . . .” he explains.

So, what is the right starting point?  The answer is revealed in the opening sentence of Rick Warren’s book, which says simply, “It’s not about you.” That’s right, it’s not about ourselves.  Instead it’s about loving God and loving other people as my grandmother did.  It’s the secret to a joyful and purpose filled life, and it works for everyone – people of every race, creed, religious doctrine and life circumstance.  It’s the “great end of your living”.  Then, “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me . . .” and you!

“. . . let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”  – Matthew 5:16 

I still have fond memories of my grandfathers, although short lived because both died when I was quite young, one when I was only four-years-old and the other at age nine.  Because of that – also due to being the youngest grandchild on both sides of the family – for many years I felt deprived about not having the opportunity to spend more time with them and know them better as my older brother and cousins had.  Those feelings began to diminish, however, with my marriage to Tee which included the bonus benefit of her grandfather with whom I quickly bonded, launching an amazing grandfather-grandson relationship that lasted twenty-five years.

Over time I’ve come to realize that I had not been deprived at all, in fact have been blessed beyond measure to have had those three incredibly fine men as role models, regardless how long. As someone once said, others will follow your footsteps more easily than they will follow your advice.  And how true, for I remember very few of their spoken words, including those of my in-law grandfather with whom I spent the most time.  Rather, what is forever etched in my memory is how they lived their lives.

Today, as a grandfather myself I find it tempting to want to share my “wisdom” with my five grandchildren.  Perhaps there will be a time for that, but only if they ask.  Chances are, however, based on my own experience they’ll never remember anything I say anyway.  What is most likely making an impression on their observant little minds is how I conduct myself in life – how I treat their grandmother, their parents, and other people in general including themselves, what my values are and how I live up to them, for what purposes I devote time and energy.  I know this because these are the impressions made on me by my three grandfathers that will forever be etched in my memory, the footsteps left for me to follow.

For others will follow your footsteps more easily than your advice, the saying goes.  In other words, “. . . let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”

“He who walks with the wise grows wise . . .”  – Proverbs 13:20

Soon after our son, Marc, arrived on the college campus of his dreams to begin his freshman year he suddenly realized that he was alone and far from home.  The institution in which he had labored so hard to be accepted began to feel like a place of isolation.  Then he met Dr. Preslar, his faculty advisor.  Over the weeks and months that followed Dr. Preslar became not only Marc’s teacher and counselor, but also his friend.  Throughout his freshman year Dr. Preslar would challenge his intellect during the week, then they would hang out together over the weekends.  For all its libraries, labs, and academic credentials the university as an institution could not provide our son what Dr. Preslar did – an interpersonal relationship with someone wise and trustworthy.

We live in a world of mass media.  Audiences numbering in the millions can be reached in a matter of seconds through television and social media.  People gather by the thousands in sports arenas and concert halls.  More fertile ground has never before existed for opportunities to mass market and mass communicate.  And it seems as if these massive information delivery systems have taken us from being a personal society to an institutional one comprised of giant corporations, big governments, large schools and universities, even mega-churches and multi-billion-dollar charitable organizations.  Thus, there appears to be a great myth in our world today that the greatest influences on people’s lives are big institutions and mass media.

Yes, it is true we live in a world of mass media and large, powerful institutions, but reality is that our most profound influence still comes through a relationship with another human being – parent to child, teacher to student, professional to client, friend to friend, someone we know and trust.  Today Marc remains one of his alma mater’s most enthusiastic alums.  That would not be so, however, were it not for the scores of relationships he developed during his time there, beginning with Dr. Preslar.

Who influences your life?  Is it an institution or the media?  Or is it someone close to you, a person with whom you have a relationship, who you know and trust?  The ancient Proverb is as true today as it was then, “He who walks with the wise grows wise.”