Category Archives: Uncategorized

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  – Proverbs 15:1 

During my years managing a bond trading desk for a large Wall Street investment bank I had the good fortune of being surrounded by a group of people who were amazing at keeping their cool.  To fully appreciate what I’m saying it is important to understand that securities trading by the mere nature of its fast pace and fierce competition can be at times, shall we say, a bit emotionally charged.  Tempers can flare in a heartbeat.  But the people on my team were absolute masters at calming the fiercest anger.  Their calm voices coupled with their professional competence — and I might add, a good sense of humor — could quickly douse the hottest flames.

No one understood this better than Christ himself, who treated his own executioners with gentleness, despite their cruelty, even praying for their forgiveness, “for they know not what they were doing,” he said.  Foretold by Isaiah centuries earlier who prophesied about the Messiah, “He was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.”  And through this demonstration of gentleness rather than harsh words, Jesus became the most influential person in the history of the world.

But I had to learn the lesson of this Proverb the hard way.  I was a hot-shot young executive at the time — arrogant, self-absorbed, self-important, self-serving, and impatient.  One afternoon on my way home I had stopped off at a supermarket to purchase milk.  At the checkout, I failed to notice that the lane I was in had just closed.  I became furious, taking my anger out on the poor checkout lady.  But rather than lashing back at me, which she had every right to do, she remained gentle and kind, perhaps even praying that I be forgiven “for I knew not what I was doing.”  I still did not back down.  Afterwards I felt ashamed, my bad behavior haunting me to this day.  Eventually, I made a promise to myself not to ever act that way again, a pledge I have pretty much kept ever since.  Like a mini-version of what Jesus did, the demonstration of gentleness rather than harsh words from that kind grocery store clerk influenced me to become a better person.

As the wise words of the Proverb teach us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” 

“He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

–          Proverbs 13:20 

“When you hang out with good people, good things gonna happen.  When you hang out with bad people, bad things gonna happen,” a quote from Robert Cook, a man I had gotten to know through a Bible study group I once attended.  Robert, a man full of all sorts of folksy wisdom, knew all too well about the advantages of hanging out with good people versus the consequences of hanging out with bad people.  He’d had plenty of experiences on both sides; for it was through hanging out with bad people that once led him to a life of drug addiction, homelessness, and crime that resulted in a prison sentence.  But eventually he got involved in a crowd of good people who helped him turn his life around, leading him into recovery and re-entry into a stable and productive life where he spends much of his time volunteering with his church, and helping others who are bumping along rock bottom as he once did.

While going through my Dad’s belongings several years ago after he had passed away, we discovered a copy of a letter in his file cabinet that he had once written to a judge.  It regarded a young man he had employed at one time who had later gotten into some trouble.  The purpose of the letter was not to dispute the alleged crime; rather it was a plea for mercy from the judge, believing the young man had simply – as he expressed in the letter – “gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd.”

Most of the bad things and the mischief I’ve done in my own life can be attributed to the same thing, getting mixed up with the wrong crowd.  That’s not to deflect the blame onto the bad crowd, but on myself for making bad choices.  Likewise, it has been the good people I have chosen to hang out with who have influenced me to try to do good things.

“He who walks with the wise grows wise,” the Proverb says, “but a companion of fools suffers harm.”  I like the way Robert Cook puts it, “When you hang out with good people, good things gonna happen.  When you hang out with bad people, bad things gonna happen.”  So, we must choose our companions wisely, mustn’t we?

“A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”

 – Proverbs 11:25 

“There is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go as long as he doesn’t mind who gets the credit,” so claimed the late Robert Woodruff who chaired the Coca-Cola Company from 1915-1965.  He should know, as one who lived by that very creed.  Known as Mr. Anonymous, Woodruff built and led one of the greatest business empires in the world.  Anonymity marked both his leadership style and his philanthropy throughout most of his life.  Only in later years did he allow his name to be identified with his benevolences.  Under his direction, Coca-Cola grew from the fledging concept of a flavored beverage in a bottle to the world’s most renowned thirst-quencher.

In his book Give and Take the popular Wharton Business School professor and author, Adam Grant, goes a step further, proving through years of academic research that contrary to conventional belief, good guys actually do finish first, not last.  While it remains true that successful people tend to have the same common characteristics of motivation, ability and opportunity, there is a fourth ingredient which Professor Grant claims is often overlooked.  “Success,” he says, “depends heavily on how we approach our interactions with other people.  Every time we interact with another person at work we have a choice to make:  do we try to claim as much value as we can, or contribute value without worrying about what we receive in return?”  Grant distinguishes these two as either “takers” or “givers”, takers being self-focused, evaluating what other people can offer them, while givers are other-focused, paying more attention to what other people need from them.  The conclusion of Grant’s research is that – in the long run – it is the givers more than the takers who rise to the highest rungs on the ladder of success.

Years ago, the late Dr. Viktor Frankl, another popular professor, once lectured his students: “Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. . . I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to best of your knowledge.  Then you will live to see that in the long run – in the long run I say! – success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.”  In other words, pursue the path of the giver, not the taker; for “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”

“. . . choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve . . .”  – Joshua 24:15  

Have you ever known someone who was born into a life of privilege, having been offered on a silver platter every opportunity imaginable, yet for whatever reason they blew it, never becoming the person of character or success they could have been?  I’m sure you have witnessed such tragedy.  We all have.  On the other hand, have you known someone from a disadvantaged background who despite all kinds of adversities managed to grow into a person of great character attaining extraordinary success?  Of course, you have.  Perhaps you are one.

We are all born into circumstances – rich, poor, or middle-class.  But circumstances do not create character; they merely reveal it.  So, what forms character?  First and foremost, we would probably all agree it is the influence of another person, a role model who has demonstrated good character and served as a teacher or mentor.  And certainly, some are more fortunate than others to be exposed to such positive influencers, regardless which side of the tracks they come from.  Yet, even then some blow it while others take the right path.  What makes the difference?

Ultimately the formation of character is a matter of choice, and we all have the freedom to choose how we respond to life’s circumstances. Someone once suggested that if freedom is defined as “the opportunity to make decisions”, then character is “the ability to make right decisions”.  If that is true, then one of the quickest ways to reveal the true character of a person is to give him the freedom to choose his own path.

Neither is character a once-and-it’s-done choice; rather, it is a choice we must make each and every day in each and every circumstance.  Unfortunately, some blow it.  Others, though, seem to have developed the ability to take the right path in almost every circumstance. They are people we would say have great character.

While we are not always in control of our circumstances, we are in control of the choices we make within those circumstances.  And it is those choices that reveal our character.  So, “. . . choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve . . .”

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last.”  – John 15:16 

Pat Paschal, a classmate of mine from elementary school all the way through high school, had the misfortune of struggling with health issues most of us never experienced, having been stricken with polio as a small child, and suffering from severe asthma all his life.  But you’d never know it, for he never complained or let it hold him back.  In fact, maybe either because of it or in spite of it, by adolescence he had developed into a young man of great determination and an impressive work ethic.

No place was that determination and work ethic more noticeable than when he played high school football.  He went all out, all the time.  One year it was the last game of the season against our biggest rival who had this monster of a player named Borchardt who no other team had been able to stop.  It so happened Pat was positioned just opposite him on the opening kickoff – David facing Goliath.  But what happened after that was like two freight trains colliding head on at full throttle.  Pat held nothing back, smashing into that huge guy with all he had.  The crash could be heard all the way to the press box, the two men flying backward in the air landing on flat on their backs, both out cold.

It was my lifelong best friend Steve who over lunch not long ago brought this story to my attention.  Steve had played next to Pat on that same kickoff squad, so had witnessed what happened first hand.  Recalling that event led us both to reflect on our own lives, and to realize how often we had chosen to play it safe, unlike our friend Pat Paschal who seemed to hold nothing back, never shy about taking risks for the right causes.

There’s an old saying that a ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.  The same holds true for us, does it not?  We may choose to spend our lives playing it safe, but is that the purpose for which God created us?  “You did not choose me,” says Jesus, “but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last.”

What if Pat Paschal had chosen to play it safe that night?  Borchardt would have ruled the football field.  Instead he took the risk, holding nothing back, and that bore fruit for the rest of the game – not to mention the fruit his example still bears all these years later.