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“. . . I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last.”

–          John 15:16 

When we met Max he was living in the same facility where my mother was being cared for during her final days.  You could always find him sitting in his motorized wheelchair near the front door where he would offer warm cheerful greetings to everyone entering or leaving.  We seldom passed up an opportunity to spend some time with him as his positive attitude and gentle spirit always lifted ours.  Over time we learned some things about his life, that at one time he had been quite a prominent and successful businessman, banker and rancher until a debilitating stroke rendered him practically quadriplegic.

Despite his physical limitations Max’s mind was crystal clear.  Interesting, inquisitive and funny, he never failed to remember our names, where we were from, or what we did for a living.  Plus, he did something I will never forget.  At the conclusion of every conversation just before parting ways he would remind us of the importance of living each day to the fullest.  Then, looking you right in the eye he always ended with this: “Remember,” he would say, “this is not dress rehearsal.”

One of the exercises I often do with my coaching clients is have them write down what they would like their epitaph to say, that is a short sentence or phrase that would sum up what their life has been about.  The result, at least for those who take this little endeavor seriously, is that they have essentially created a vision statement for their lives, which in turn provides them a clear sense of purpose and direction.

At first I was puzzled by what Max meant about this not being “dress rehearsal”, thinking he was referring to his disability.  Except Max didn’t seem the type to take pity on himself – quite the contrary in fact.  No, I think perhaps long before he became disabled Max had considered his own epitaph, had committed to living his life to its fullest and to “bear fruit – fruit that will last,” and continued to do so by engaging people in cheerful conversation at the front door.  And his trademark comment, “remember, this is not dress rehearsal,” was just his little way of encouraging others to do the same.

“But as for me, I will always have hope . . .”  – Psalm 71:14 

An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life.  “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.  It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.  One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.  The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.  This same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”  The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”  The old chief simply replied, “The one you feed.”  (Author Unknown, but possibly a Cherokee parable.) 

Barbara Fredrickson, PhD and Kenan Distinguished Professor of Psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, is a leading scholar in the field of positive psychology.  In her book, Positivity, she describes how there are two basic human responses to hardship, something we all experience from time to time.  One is despair, the other is hope.  “In despair,” she explains, “you multiply your negativity.  Your fear and uncertainty can turn into stress.  Your stress can morph into hopeless sadness, which in turn can breed shame. . . Despair opens the gate to a downward spiral that may well lead you to rock bottom.  Hope is different,” as she says contrasting the two.  “It’s not the mirror reflection of despair.  Your hope, in fact, acknowledges negativity with clear eyes.  More importantly, though, your hope kindles further positivity within you.  Even the most subtle shades of hope can be a springboard for you to feel love, gratitude, inspiration, and more.  And these warm and tender feelings open your mind and your heart and allow you to connect with others.”

No doubt that same battle between the two wolves rages within all of us from time to time – between evil and good, despair and hope.  And which one wins?  The one we feed, of course.  “But as for me,” the Psalmist answers, “I will always have hope.”  So, guess which wolf he feeds!

“. . . whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant . . .”

• Matthew 20:26 

Several years ago during my corporate life our company changed one of its internal policies.  I was furiously opposed to the change, convinced it would severely handicap our ability to transact business.  Rather than focusing on ways to cooperate, I became obsessed with proving that I was right and “they” were wrong, to the point of losing sight of the customers and employees I was supposed to serve.  Only when I realized that my bitterness was robbing me of my true purpose did things start to improve.  The new policy, once I learned to abide by it, proved to be not nearly as harmful as I had predicted, the work environment became much more pleasant thanks to my changed attitude, and business got back on track and began to grow again.

Someone once described an imaginary scene from hell where its residents were gathered round a banquet table before a scrumptious feast – not exactly what one would expect in hell – until a closer look revealed an atmosphere of bitter agony due to the fact they unable to bend their arms in order to feed themselves.  Surprisingly, the scene from heaven was identical including the stiffened arms, the difference being that there was an atmosphere of great joy and celebration.  Why?  Because the inhabitants of heaven used their stiffened arms to reach across the table and feed each other.

Although this little tale is intended to describe the hereafter, it is equally relevant to the here-and-now.  How often do we become obsessed with surviving or thriving – or proving we are right as I did – when our true purpose should be to serve?  Surviving, thriving, and proving ourselves right is all about us, which only leads to misery as demonstrated by the stiff-armed inhabitants of hell.  Serving, however, is about others, and serving others is what leads to joy like the inhabitants of heaven.

“. . . whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant . . .”, or as Dr. Albert Schweitzer once pointed out, “the only really happy people are those who have learned how to serve”.

“Let us now sing the praises of famous men . . .”

• (from the Apocrypha) Ecclesiasticus 44:1  

The fact I was able to whiz through college algebra with an A (a rarity for me) I have to attribute to my high school algebra teacher, John Brinson.  Why, then I wonder, do I recall so little about being in his classroom, even though he obviously had such a positive impact on my understanding of the subject?  The only day I do vividly remember from John Brinson’s “algebra I” class occurred on November 22, 1963.  After being summoned out of the room by the principal he stepped back in to somberly announce that President Kennedy had been shot.  I’ve always thought it fitting that he should be the one to deliver that news because, even though I remember little else he said in the classroom, I do remember him as a man of fine character.  And the things I learned from him about life over the years has far outweighed anything he ever taught me about algebra.

Max Lucado, the famous author and pastor, once observed about his father that he had learned things from him that his father never realized he was teaching.  I would suggest that is true of most of those who influence our lives –  people like John Brinson.  From them we learn many things, most of which they never realize they are teaching.

John Brinson was a long-time dedicated educator in my small hometown community, not only as an esteemed classroom teacher, but later as high school principal, and eventually superintendent of schools where he served many years until his retirement.  It was in that community where he met and married the love of his life, raised a fine family, and grew to become a dedicated and highly respected leader.  Through the years I’ve continued to watch him from afar, always learning things he never realized he was teaching.  Recently John passed away, but his amazing legacy will live on through the many lives he touched.

“Let us now sing the praises of famous men . . . The Lord apportioned to them great glory . . . [For] there were . . . those who led the people by their counsels and by their knowledge of the people’s lore; they were wise in their words of instruction . . .”  That was John Brinson.

“Be still, and know that I am God . . .”  – Psalm 46:10 

A popular method these days for managing a small child’s misbehavior is to put them in “time out” (picture Dennis the Menace sitting in the corner in his rocking chair), the theory being that spending time in solitude will have a calming effect while simultaneously allowing the child to reflect on his or her behavior.  How effective “time out” is with children I’m not sure, but it certainly has proven to be a positive activity for adults, providing both calmness and reflective time; for it is in these quiet times of introspection that our creativity comes alive and our energy renewed.

Quiet time, or solitude, is not a luxury that just happens from time to time, rather it is a discipline – something that must be intentional.  Once I read an article about Bill Gates, the renowned founder and CEO of Microsoft, who twice a year for a week at a time retreats into a place of isolation in order to study and reflect on the direction of his company.  From that quiet, reflective time new ideas are discovered, and both he and his company become re-energized.

Richard Foster, in his book Celebration of Discipline, recommends a similar but perhaps more practical approach to solitude than Bill Gates.  “Four times a year,” he suggests, “withdraw for three or four hours for the purpose of reorienting your life goals. . . Reevaluate your goals and objectives in life.  What do you want to have accomplished one year from now?  Ten years from now? . . . Set realistic goals but be willing to dream, to stretch. . . In the quiet of those brief hours, listen to the thunder of God’s silence. . . Reorientation and goal setting do not need to be cold and calculating as some suppose.  Goals are discovered, not made.”

A period of silence – a retreat from the noises of our busy world – is the essential ingredient for effective solitude, whether it is for a few brief moments or an extended period of time.  Most importantly, “Be still, and know that I am God,” as the Psalmist says.  The fruit of solitude, as Bill Gates’ experiences have proven over and over, is renewal – renewal of creativity, renewal of energy, and renewal of relationships.