Category Archives: Uncategorized

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  – Jeremiah 29:11

When we adopted our beloved family dog from the pound several years ago she was already fourteen months old.  We didn’t know much about her history at the time except that she is a blue-heeler, a breed of dogs used for herding cattle for which she had been appropriately named Cowgirl.  At the time we owned a small cattle ranch on which we had invested in a small herd of Black Angus heifers.  Now Cowgirl had only been in our family about three days when we decided to go out and check on our ranch and livestock, and when we arrived the cattle were grazing in a wheat field off in a distance. 

Without thinking we let Cowgirl out of the pickup to stretch her legs, but when we did she took off like a bullet toward those cows.  We had no idea what was up!  But when she saw the cows her instincts kicked in and she knew exactly what to do.  She knew, in fact, what she was born to do; for in a matter of minutes she had taken charge of the cows, rounded them up and herded them back to the coral near where we were standing.  It was amazing to watch, and not just the action but the look of joy and satisfaction on Cowgirl’s face.  She was made to do what she had just done, it was her special talent.

Just like Cowgirl, each of us has something special for which we were uniquely made.  Stephen Covey referred to it as our “voice”, others our sweet spot or calling.  When we know that about ourselves is when we start to become our best and most effective.  It is why coaches like myself start off new clients by helping them identify their unique gifts and talents before we proceed to work on any other specific issues.  It’s critical.

We have each been created with a purpose which is manifested in our unique gifts and abilities.  When we try to be someone different than who we are uniquely made to be we will inevitably fall short of our highest potential.  But when we know – like Cowgirl knew – that’s when we become our most effective, and with that we experience our greatest joy and satisfaction.  It’s God’s plan for us and His gift to us.  “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord.

“I will make you a community of peoples . . .”  – Genesis 48:4 

Now don’t laugh, those of you who know me well – or even if you don’t but have taken a glance at the mug shot on my website – because what I want to talk about is barbershops.  I love barbershops, at least the old fashioned kind.  I know, I know you’re probably holding your sides with laughter already asking yourselves why Dan would ever need to darken the door of a barbershop with nothing but a little gray fuzz around the fringe.  Well, believe it or not folks, once upon a time I had hair, a full head of it.  Back in those days I really enjoyed going to the barbershop.  Nowadays I just go to one of those places that’s like a fast food restaurant, put my name on the list, and inform the nameless person who happens to be available that I want a “three, blocked in the back.”  Wham-bam, in less than four minutes (I’ve timed it) I’m out of there.

That’s not the kind of experience I’m talking about.  I liked the barbershop I went to when I was a kid growing up.  My barber’s name was G. F. Givens, a man about my dad’s age or maybe a little older.  Back then the barbershop was a gathering place for all sorts of characters, a place where there was a lot of chatter about local politics, the high school football team, weather, and some sort of combination of arguing and joking.  My favorite trick was walking out of the barbershop without paying for my haircut complaining it wasn’t worth it.  It was a trick to get old G. F. to chase me down the street, but he never did.  He just stood there knowing I would come back with the $1.50 I owed clinched in my fist which he grabbed while handing me a piece of Double-Bubble.

In his popular little book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, Robert Fulghum wrote a cute little essay about his relationship with his barber.  “Once a month we reviewed the world and our lives and explored our positions,” he said.  “We became mirrors, confidants, confessors, therapists, and companions in an odd sort of way.  We went through being thirty years old and then forty.  We discussed and argued and joked, but always with a certain thoughtful deference.”  That’s the kind of barbershop I’m talking about.  We could use more of those kinds of gathering places.  God said, “I will make you a community of peoples.”  Old fashioned barbershops were great communities.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” – Matthew 5:3 

How much is enough?  Arguably, this may be one of the most relevant questions of our modern age in the Western world.  If we base our evidence on the excessive consumption we see around us there is no doubt about the extraordinary buying power that exists in our world today.  But is there a direct correlation between more and happier, and if so how much is enough?

Contrast that by examining happiness among the poor.  My own brief experiences of working with those we might consider the poorest of the poor, mostly in Central America, has offered me some insight about this question.  Specifically I remember Isabel, a Honduran woman who resided in a deeply impoverished barrio community just outside the city of Tegucigalpa.  For a week she and I worked side by side on a project and though we did not speak the same language we became fast friends.  During that week what amazed me about Isabel was that she and her companions were some of the happiest people I’ve ever met in spite of the fact they lived in conditions that are unimaginable for most of us.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, perhaps the most renowned servant of the poor in our modern age, once noted of the Western world, “I have walked at night in your streets, I have entered your homes.  I have found in them more poverty than in India.”  What she was referring to was not economic poverty, but poverty of the soul.  So we ask ourselves, how much is enough?

To live in a place where opportunities abound for financial success is a blessing and a privilege, but what are we to do with our abundance and how much is enough?  The greatest reward in my profession as a coach and consultant occurs when I see high achieving successful clients begin to transition their focus from success to significance, from money to meaning, and it always begins when they asked themselves the question, “how much is enough?”  Joy awaits those willing to give up their own rights to serve others.  “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

“From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”  – Luke 12:48 

When I was in eighth grade I competed on the football field against a guy from a neighboring community named Arthur Hernandez.  What I wish I could forget about him after all these fifty years but have been unable to is that every time I lined up against him he took me out – every time!  But the thing I’ll remember forever and hope I never forget is what an incredible leader and gentleman Arthur was – even at the ripe old age of fourteen.  Every time he knocked me on my fanny, when the play was over I would look up and see Arthur’s hand extended to help me up along with an encouraging word and a pat on the back, just before giving me another pounding.  It will come as no surprise that Arthur was the captain of his team, and to prove what kind of leader he was he always addressed the referees with utmost respect calling them “sir”, and would apologize when his team committed an infraction that resulted in a penalty.

I had a chance to get to know Arthur off the field at various area youth events, and I can honestly say he lived up to being very much the gentleman I witnessed on the football field.  He inspired me to want to be like him – then and now – playing to win but ever gracious regardless of victory or defeat.  Above all, Arthur exhibited all the characteristics of a truly great leader, like I’ve rarely seen in my entire lifetime.

I’ve heard it said that a great leader never sets himself above his followers except in carrying responsibilities.  That pretty well sums up Arthur Hernandez.  Unfortunately, we lost touch and I never knew what became of him, but I can only imagine that he must have become enormously successful and a highly effective and respected leader in whatever endeavors he pursued; for great leaders are always given increased opportunities and responsibilities.

A hard charging guy who played to win (and I’ve still got bruises to prove it), but always gracious and fair with an extended hand and an encouraging word, that was Arthur Hernandez, the model of a great leader, still inspiring me to want to be like him.

“He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.” – Psalm 78:5-6 

“I wish I could just have one more day with Mother,” my wife yearned during a brief wistful moment.  “I’d love to stand in her kitchen once more while she was baking pies, chatting with her about pie crusts, cream fillings, and meringues.   There are a million questions I would like to ask her, not just about baking but about being a mother, grandmother, and about life.”  Don’t we all long for just one more day with our parents, grandparents, or some other elder or mentor who we have lost?  It’s natural I suppose.  But we should not allow those melancholy moments to pass without recognizing them as instructive; for that desire for one more conversation should serve as a reminder of our own duty to pass along the wisdom we have acquired.

Psalm 78 beautifully and poetically retells the history of the Jewish nation from the time of slavery in Egypt to David’s reign, but not without the psalm writer first insisting that his readers must tell these stories over and over to the future generations so that these lessons about the relationship between God and His people not be forgotten.

In a  New York Times article published several months ago titled “The Stories That Bind Us” , columnist Bruce Feiler claims that based on a great deal of research “[the] single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all:  develop a strong family narrative.”  That is to say, tell the family stories over and over to the next generations just as the psalmist insisted.  “The bottom line,” Feiler concludes, “if you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones.  That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.”

My wife yearned for just one more day with her mother and I understand why; “. . . so the next generation would know, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.”  Rich in wisdom, our families’ stories are like gold.