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“Leadership is everyone’s business.”

–          From The Leadership Challenge by James Kouzes & Barry Posner 

My introduction to Kouzes and Posner’s book, The Leadership Challenge, occurred in the late 1990’s when I was invited to participate in a leadership program that was a joint venture between my company and the University of Virginia’s Darden School of Business.  It was one of the textbooks for the course whose theme was appropriately titled “Leadership Makes the Difference”.  As often happens, though, a few weeks after completing the course the book ended up in my bookshelf where it sat for many years collecting dust, until thankfully a few months ago it was brought back to my attention.  Since re-reading it I now consider it one of the most important books in my library.  I find myself referring to it often and listing it as recommended reading on my Wisdom in Leadership website.  Now in its fifth edition, The Leadership Challenge is considered a classic work on the subject of leadership, but it was not until I re-read the final chapter entitled “Leadership is Everyone’s Business” several times over that it all began to soak in.  For me the following sums up their entire message in a nutshell:

“. . . leadership is not about position or title,” the authors explain.  “It’s not about organizational power or authority.  It’s not about fame or wealth.  It’s not about the family you are born into.  It’s not about being a CEO, president, general, or prime minister.  And it’s definitely not about being a hero.  Leadership is about relationships, about credibility, and about what you do.  And everything you will ever do as a leader is based on one audacious assumption:  that you matter.”  But that was not their final point.  The zinger comes from a quote by Army Major General John H. Stanford when they asked him how he’d go about developing leaders.  Here’s his response:  “The secret to success is to stay in love.  Staying in love gives you the fire to ignite other people, to see inside other people, to have a greater desire to get things done than other people. . . . I don’t know any other fire, any other thing in life that is more exhilarating and is more positive a feeling than love is.” . . . . Surprised by the General’s response?  Shouldn’t be.  It’s the first and great commandment, to “love the Lord your God with all your heart . . . and love your neighbor as yourself.”  Ancient wisdom ever true!

“It’s not about you.”

–          Rick Warren, from The Purpose Driven Life 

I was just a little tyke when this occurred, maybe four or five, but I remember like it was yesterday.  It was just before Christmas and we had gone over to visit my parents’ longtime close friends, Millie and Jack, when just as we stepped in their front door I spied two bushel baskets beneath their lavishly decorated Christmas tree overflowing with every sort of toy you can imagine.  My eyes glazed over as I figured Santa Claus must have arrived early at their house – and on my behalf no doubt.  Just as I was about to dive into the middle of those bountiful baskets of treasures I heard that familiar distinctive voice that only was Millie’s stop me in my tracks.  “No, darling,” she lovingly chided, “those toys are for . . .” [a certain needy family in our community.]  Instinctively I knew, even at that young age, who she meant and that they were indeed needy – and that I was not.  It was one of the first lessons I ever learned about “it’s not about you.”

For over fifty years Millie labored long sometimes erratic hours caring for people as a nurse.  (She was the delivery room nurse when I was born.)  Even after retirement she had a heart for caring for others in one way or another.  Jack was a prominent grocer.  I’ve been told that during the darkest days of drought and depression in our small farming community he continued to sell groceries on credit knowing many could not afford to pay, his concern always being about feeding families rather than lining his pockets.

Millie and Jack’s lives were driven by purpose as Rick Warren might say, and that purpose was never about them, but always others.  They were leaders in every sense of the word, unafraid to take on responsibility for the welfare and betterment of the children and citizens of the community.

Millie lived well into her nineties, and during those last years of her life I would often make the long trek out to West Texas to visit her, to “sit at her feet” listening to her stories, absorbing her wisdom.  In the end what I learned is the same thing she taught me all those many Christmases ago when I was a little tyke.  “It’s not about you.”

“Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.”  – Proverbs 4:7 

Solomon was little more than a lad when he inherited the throne from his famous father King David.  A daunting task lay ahead of him to lead what was then the greatest nation on earth.  But in a dream God appeared to Solomon offering to give him whatever he asked for.  He could have asked for a long life, honor, or wealth, but instead he asked God for wisdom which pleased God immensely, so much so that he granted him long life, riches and honor as well.  [ref. 1Kings 3:4-15] 

Wisdom seems to be one of those words that is often either misused or avoided altogether.  We misuse it when we substitute it for knowledge or intellect, or at times even cleverness or commonsense.  And even though knowledge, intellect, cleverness and commonsense may contribute to it, it is not the same.  Wisdom is far more than that.  True wisdom is not just knowing, it is understanding at a deep and personal level about people and God and relationships, and how to apply these understandings in ways that produce positive and effective results.  Furthermore, wisdom is not something that can be acquired through normal human endeavors such as hard work and study.  Instead it is an awareness that occurs deep in one’s soul, which is why the word is often avoided altogether, as for many it seems too elusive.

In my experience these past years of consulting and coaching executives and leaders from many walks (and everyone is in a leadership role in some way) it has become clear to me that the key to effective leadership is in fact wisdom, and that what I have been doing all along without realizing it is guiding people in the direction of wisdom – not mine but their own – and helping them recognize it, tap into it, and put it into action.  That should explain why, in case you are wondering, this week’s Abundant Living message is in the form of a new presentation, introducing a new brand and logo design.  (Be on the lookout in the days to come for a more formal announcement about this.)

In requesting wisdom Solomon asked for the right thing, for as the Proverb states “wisdom is supreme”.  Seems to me it is something we all should be seeking.

It felt like one of the dumbest answers I ever gave in a business meeting. My peers and I were gathered around a conference table for a meeting with our boss in New York who was sitting at the head of the table. He had asked each of us as we went around the room to share our best marketing idea. “Personality,” I blurted out when it came my turn. “If the collective personality of our group creates a positive experience for people they will continue to come back. That’s my best marketing idea,” I explained. That, of course, was not what the boss was looking for. He wanted to hear about some clever gimmick to sell product, not how we conducted ourselves. Looking back I’m still not sure who was more outraged by my answer, my boss who wanted to throw me out of the room, or my peers who wanted to laugh me out of the room.

This occurred in the early 1990’s when I had been turned on to a book called Customers for Life by Carl Sewell, a highly successful luxury car dealer in Dallas. The premise was that by offering customers the very best experience and service they will continue to as customers – for life. So impressed was I by this guy’s message that for a while it became sort of a mantra among the members of my staff, until eventually it became embedded in our culture. “You can influence people’s behavior simply by giving the task or the team a name that evokes the kind of behavior implied by the name,” according to Kouzes and Posner in their book, The Leadership Challenge. “Customers for life” was the name applied in our case. Now this may not seem like a big deal for folks in certain retail and service businesses, but for a bunch of arrogant Wall Street-type bond traders to treat people with dignity and respect was revolutionary and a unique way to market product.

It may appear that I am giving myself a lot of credit about all this, but not so. The credit goes to Carl Sewell’s book, and more importantly to the members of my staff who embraced his message and had the courage to try some different behavior. I felt like a fool even offering such a dumb answer in that meeting in New York, not that it was a bad marketing idea; I was just not equipped to explain it very well. Maybe I should have been thrown out of the room, or laughed out. But in the end it did work; we did develop more and more repeat customers. Many even became “friends for life” as well.

“O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!”
– Robert Burns, Scottish Poet

This line from Robert Burns’ poem, “To a Louse” is one of my favorites, something I quote often. Oh, if we could only see ourselves as others see us! I’m reminded of a time at about age twenty or so when my life got a little off track. One day I received a note in the mail from an old family friend and father figure who saw what was going on and took the time to write and remind me of my God-given talents, gently urging me to get back to living up to my potential. Over time I came to appreciate what a wonderful gift that was – to see myself as others do. I’ve never forgotten that.

In Frank Capra’s classic 1946 movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” George Bailey was about to jump off a bridge and commit suicide because he thought himself a complete failure. Then he had an encounter with Clarence, the angel sent to “save” him. It was Clarence who took George on an imaginary journey back through the events of his life in his hometown of Bedford Falls, except George was not in the story, as if he had never been born. What George soon realized in seeing the world without himself was that he had not been a failure at all, that in fact his life was extremely significant, impacting the lives of many in his community in ways he had failed to recognize. Had George Bailey never been born, so he learned, many would have suffered tragic consequences. What Clarence did was give George the gift of seeing himself as others saw him.

When I work with coaching clients the first thing I do is try to help them see themselves more clearly, especially in the way others see them. Sometimes that is helping them recognize in a constructive way certain behaviors that may be holding them back. But mostly it is getting them to realize they have much more potential than they ever imagined. It is not unlike what many of us have experienced raising children. We see so much more in them than they see in themselves. When we can help someone see that, we have given them a wonderful and powerful gift – like my old family friend gave me. “O wad some Power the giftie gie us to see oursels as ithers see us!”