Category Archives: Uncategorized

“For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – the Apostle Paul (2 Cor. 12:10)

I’ve heard it said that life has three stages which most of us experience at various times: dependence, independence, and interdependence. Infancy is the most obvious example when we are totally dependent on our parents. Then at about age two children start to declare their independence which continues until around age twenty-two. (To the parents of my grandchildren, be forewarned.) And hopefully by the time we reach some level of maturity in adulthood we begin to realize that the way life functions most effectively is through interdependence, and the better we can master that the better off we will be.

It was this kind of interdependency the Apostle Paul was referring to when he claimed that “when I am weak, then I am strong,” for it was through his shortcomings and weaknesses that he recognized his need for help – from God – and by so doing actually transformed into strength. And how true it is for all of us that when we give up trying to be so self-reliant and hand it over to someone who is better or stronger, we in turn become infinitely stronger and more effective.

I can remember when for a time during my former career I began to think of myself as really good at what I did – I mean really, really good, if you know what I mean. Then I began to notice that many of the people around me were becoming even better than I was, which sort of deflated my self-image from “really good” to just “pretty good”. At first because of my competitive nature and ego I reacted by working even harder. No way, I thought, are they going to outdo me. Then I began to realize that if I am only “pretty good” compared to their “really good”, maybe it would be better to step out of the way instead of competing with my own people. A better idea might be to focus on providing strong leadership and an encouraging and supportive environment. The end result was win-win as they got better at their jobs and I attained better results in mine. It was a classic testimony for the value of interdependency. “For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

“Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”

When you were a teenager did your parents ever go out of town leaving you in charge of the homestead? Or maybe you had a friend who was left home alone and invited you over. Were you or your friends ever tempted to take advantage of the situation by engaging in a little (uh-em!) un-chaperoned party time? After all, it wasn’t often you had the chance to have the run of the place. (Remember Tom Cruise in the 1983 movie “Risky Business”?) Was I ever tempted by such a situation, you might wonder? I think I’d rather not answer that; I’ll take the Fifth instead. Maybe you should too.

When David became king he too was faced with the responsibility as well as the temptations that go along with having the run of the place. Sure enough, the first thing you know he saw Bathsheba and had her brought to him, which was absolutely within his power and authority. But, not only was she not his wife, she happened to be the wife of one of his most trusted and devoted military officers. Well, as we all know after a failed attempt to cover up the indiscretion he went a step further by arranging for Bathsheba’s husband Uriah to be killed in battle so that no one would ever know – thus, piling one indiscretion on top of another. The fact was, though, that as king, David had the authority to do whatever he chose to do, but that did not mean that he should.

A classic case of “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should” occurred in recent years in the banking industry with the sub-prime mortgage scandals. Many from that industry have argued – and still argue – that all was done within the bounds of the law. Now, I’m not smart enough to know if it was or not, but I do know that the deeper moral question is this: even if it was legal, was it proper?

So, is there a litmus test for determining what is right? If so, what is it? I would suggest the simplest one is the Golden Rule; that is “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Check that out, and if it passes muster you’re probably on the right track.

“If you’re not sure where you are going, you are liable to end up someplace else.”
“Aim at nothing and you will hit it every time.”
“If you aren’t sure where you’re going, any road will take you there.”
“Fail to determine where you are headed, and you will make the most important decision you will ever regret.”

These four quotes all relate to the same vital element in life: GOALS. Without a goal, a target, an aiming point, it is inevitable that we are going to flounder. Have you ever floundered? I have. There was a time in my life when I had no idea where I was headed. I kept experimenting with different things hoping to gain some direction, but it took what seemed like the longest time to find my way out of the weeds. Fortunately, this occurred during my college years when I was free to explore and experiment a bit. Yet I remember that time as being one of the “darkest nights of my soul” as St. John of the Cross might say.

Through the years what I have learned from working with people as a professional coach as well as my own personal experiences are three things. One, almost everyone loses sight of their goals from time to time. Two, no one – and I mean no one – likes to flounder, no one likes being lost in the weeds. And three, the best way for getting back on track, clarifying your goals, and moving toward them is to get help from a fellow human being.

So, if you find yourself lost in the weeds, floundering, unsure of your goals, or how to move toward them do not feel embarrassed to admit it. It is a malady common as a cold, everyone catches one from time to time. That “dark night of the soul” pain you feel is your body’s reminder to start looking for some direction. And for goodness sake, ask for help from someone – a colleague, trusted friend, or a professional. Because . . . one thing is for certain, “if you’re not sure where you are going, you are liable to end up someplace else.” I know, I’ve been there.

“When you hang out with good people good things are gonna happen. When you hang out with bad people bad things are gonna happen.” – Robert Cook

This is nothing new, of course. Didn’t our mama’s warn us over and over about running around with the wrong crowd? Even so I’m sorry to say I’ve been guilty from time to time and generally speaking the outcome was never very good. One time in particular occurred when I was in college and working a part time job. My employer hired a lot of part time college kids like myself and most of the time we were pretty compatible. But once there was this new guy I had tried to befriend who convinced me he knew a good burger joint down the road, so we piled in his car to go to lunch. Something didn’t feel quite right, but I went anyway. Next thing I knew we were in a bar ordering beers. So when we returned to work not only were we late but we had been drinking. Both of us could have and should have been fired, but for whatever reason our supervisor chose to look the other way. I knew, though, it was the wrong thing to do and quickly withdrew from hanging out with the guy. Sooner or later bad things were going to happen.

Robert Cook knows all about the advantages of hanging out with good people versus the consequences of hanging out with bad people. He’s had plenty of experiences on both sides; for it was hanging out with bad people that once led him to a life of drug addiction, homelessness, and crime that resulted in spending time in prison. But then he met some good people and started hanging out with them, and that’s what turned his life around leading him into recovery and re-entry into a stable and productive life where he spends much of his spare time today volunteering in his church and reaching out to others who are bumping along rock bottom as he once did. Robert and I met in a Bible study group where he is now a devoted participant and readily shares his life story along with a whole repertoire of folksy wisdom like the brilliant quote mentioned above.

“When you hang out with good people good things are gonna happen.” We know this all too well having been blessed with a huge circle of wonderful friends who in all sorts of varied ways devote themselves to making a difference in the lives of others. If you hang out with folks like these, as Robert Cook says, good things are gonna happen.

If you can’t control the wind, adjust the sails.

One of my favorite movie lines occurred in a scene from the 1985 western, “Silverado”, when Stella, the dwarf-sized saloonkeeper, revealed to her new partner, Paden, the platform she had built behind the bar that elevated her to eye level with her gangly cowboy patrons. When Paden looked down over the back side of the bar and saw her secret platform Stella explained it to him this way: “The world is what you make of it, my friend. If it doesn’t fit you make alterations.”

Many years ago due to a career move I had to relocate my family to another city. It was a difficult time, especially for our two children who were forced to leave their friends, school, and familiar home to face the challenges of making new friends and adjusting to a new school and home. One day as they were grumbling to their mother about all the changes I overheard her say this to them: “When life hands you a lemon, use it to make lemonade.” Those wise words, as it turned out, altered our whole family’s perspective.

In today’s world the wind shifts so quickly and so often we can scarcely keep up. Consider, for instance, how technology keeps advancing. Just a few years ago Blackberry was top dog in the “smartphone” market, one of the first to offer its users the ability to not only talk on the phone but also to send and receive emails and access the internet right in the palm of their hands. Today Apple has leapfrogged so far over Blackberry in cellphone technology that some speculate Research-in-Motion, the maker of the Blackberry may not even survive. But Apple – and others – best be on their toes, for the wind will shift again and who knows whose technology will cause the shift.

Wal-Mart has often been accused of causing the demise of many small main street businesses. True, when they entered a new market lots of local retailers were unable to compete with the huge discounter. But there were others who did survive and in fact prospered. How? They acknowledged they could not control the wind, but they could adjust their sails, and that’s what they did. “The world is what you make of it, my friend. If it doesn’t fit you make alterations.” How are the winds shifting in your world?