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“. . . whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant . . .”  – Mark 10:43 

The late Dr. Viktor Frankl, world renowned psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, once gave a lecture to his students about the pursuit of success.  “Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it.  For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself.  Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success:  you have to let it happen by not caring about it.  I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge.  Then you will live to see that in the long run – in the long run, I say! – success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it.

This past week I attended the funeral service for long time dear friend Press Canon, a ninety-year-old “greatest generation” World War II veteran, who had lived his entire life in my hometown of Paducah, Texas where he and his wife, Betty, love of his life for the past sixty-five years, raised two beautiful daughters, then were blessed with four grandchildren and twelve great-grandchildren who were always nearby.  Press, a quiet, modest and humble man, slight in stature who would hardly be noticed in a crowd of strangers, earned his living as an auto mechanic.  But don’t be fooled by any of that.  Press was all over the place in that little town, always in the capacity of quietly serving others – as a volunteer fireman, city council member, church leader, or simply helping someone out – always with a warm, engaging smile.  I doubt he ever gave much thought about the pursuit of success, he simply loved God and loved people, and lived his life accordingly.  Yet, success did follow him, precisely because he had forgotten to think of it.  That was evidenced last week by the scores of people who arrived from both far and near, filling to capacity Press’s beloved Methodist Church, there to celebrate his life, each having been profoundly touched by him in some special way, myself included.

“For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself.”  Or as Jesus taught us, “. . . whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant . . .”

“I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.”    Ecclesiastes 3:12 

Among the many writings of Leo Tolstoy, best known as author of War and Peace, one of classical literature’s most famous works, is an often-overlooked novelette entitled The Death of Ivan Ilyich.  I was unaware of it myself before I read an essay about it in the newspaper, which sparked my curiosity enough to sit down and read this little short book.

The story which occurs in the mid to late 1800’s is a rather grim tale about a man, Ivan Ilyich, who is stricken with an unidentifiable and ultimately terminal disease and the resulting physical suffering and mental anguish it caused the poor man.  Prior to becoming ill, however, Ivan Ilyich had lived what we might call today an upwardly mobile life.  Raised in a good family, handsome, intelligent and well educated in the law he rose in the ranks of his profession to become a distinguished judge.  He married well, though the relationship was a bit rocky, had a couple of children, was financially comfortable, and had a nice circle of friends of the proper social status.  Overall, one might say he had done quite well.  Except, he began to wrestle with his thoughts . . . 

“Maybe I didn’t live as I should have?”  This thought kept coming into his mind.  “But it can’t be that I didn’t live as I should have.  I did everything that was supposed to be done,” he said to himself . . . 

Reading the book of Ecclesiastes reveals how tormented Solomon became about the same thing.  “Meaningless!  Meaningless!”  he mourns in his essay, “Utterly meaningless!  Everything is meaningless.”  Yet, it is not that God doesn’t want us to enjoy life, he eventually realizes, but that real pleasure is found in enjoying whatever we have as gifts from God, not in what we accumulate.  “I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.”  Which he concludes means, “Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.”   

So, this all left me wondering if Tolstoy wrote The Death of Ivan Ilyich as a parable about the book of Ecclesiastes.  Perhaps?  I don’t know.   But whatever his intentions, reading it made me pause and examine my own life.  And maybe that’s its real purpose.

“Remember, O Lord, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes.”  – Isaiah 38:3 

My father-in-law was such an avid golfer who spent so much time on the golf course that golf became almost synonymous with his identity.  But as much as he was connected with the game of golf itself he was equally notorious for the rather colorful language he so often used while playing it.  His golf game and his golf language sort of went hand in hand.

One particularly amusing story occurred several years ago when an unsuspecting stranger was assigned to my father-in-law’s foursome in a tournament.  Thinking his profanities were directed at him, after the first few holes the poor guy was about to walk off the course having had enough of being offended.  Then my father-in-law missed a put.  “Ah, hit the *#!$%#@*# ball in the hole, you idiot!!” he blurted out at himself.  Then the man realized my father-in-law’s profanities were not intended for him, rather at himself.

Now my father-in-law was an accomplished golfer and a student of the game in every aspect.  Yet as far as I know throughout his seventy of so years of playing he won very few tournaments.  But then winning was never his goal in the first place; rather for him it was all about the personal challenge of striving for excellence at his own game.  Golf, you see, was more than a hobby for him, it was a calling, a way of life.  It was how he connected with people – and how others connected with him.  And as the unsuspecting stranger eventually learned, that in spite of his notorious self-effacing outbursts my father-in-law was always a gentleman toward his fellow players.

Mother Teresa once said, “I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness.”  So it was that my father-in-law’s golf game was all about striving for excellence, not attaining success.  It was about faithfulness to his calling, not winning tournaments and trophies.  That is why he was so hard on himself, why he is remembered as much by his colorful language as his love for the game – why so many of his missed puts were followed by his infamous outbursts.  I’ve always imagined that even God must have been amused, who cares much more about faithfulness than success. “Remember, O Lord, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion.”

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you . . .”  – Matthew 5:44 

What does it mean to be tolerant?  Or perhaps the better question is, how do we practice appropriate tolerance in today’s world?  On the one extreme some might answer that tolerance means anything goes, to simply live and let live.  At the other end of the spectrum are those who believe tolerance should not be tolerated at all, that doing so is simply sending society to hell in a handbag.  The problem with the two extremes is that one lends itself to a world of chaos with no common value system and sense of order, while the other leads to exclusivity and isolationism, thus perpetuating the divisions and adversities that already exist in this increasingly global society.

My friends who periodically volunteer to work inside prisons have taught me more about practicing tolerance than anyone I know.  What I’ve observed about them is twofold:  (1) Upon returning from a weekend on the “inside” they always refer to the men they encounter by their first names, that is as fellow human beings and never as prisoners, inmates or criminals; yet (2) neither do they ever excuse them for their offenses.  Instead, by spending time with these incarcerated individuals they come to understand them as real people with real feelings, real desires and real needs to be loved and to love, to forgive and be forgiven.  My friends often times reflect on the fact that they –  indeed all of us – are only one bad decision away from being in the same circumstance.

There is a marvelous scene in the movie “Invictus” in which Nelson Mandela (played by Morgan Freeman) is being scolded for his acts of forgiveness and peacefulness toward those who had imprisoned him for almost three decades.  In his response he said something to the effect that he had gotten to know his enemies, the promoters of apartheid.  He had read their poetry, studied their writings, and engaged them in conversation.  And while not condoning their actions and beliefs, he had nonetheless learned to understand them as human beings, thus proving the point that practicing tolerance in today’s world does not require us to relinquish or compromise our values.  Yet, neither can we hide from the culture by isolating ourselves.  So, how do we practice appropriate tolerance in today’s world?  Most importantly, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”  And do as Mandela modeled so well – get to know them, read their poetry, study their writings, and engage them in conversation.

“Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’, and your ‘No’, ‘No’. . .”  – Matthew 5:37 

“Show up on time.  Do what you say you’re going to do.  Finish what you start.  Say please and thank you.”  Dan Sullivan refers to these in his book How the Best Get Better, as the four crucial habits of referability.  “Although these seem like common sense,” he explains, “a surprising number of people in this world . . . do not practice these four habits. . . They may have brains, talent, charm, and experience, but they continually find that their clients and customers do not refer them.”

“In contrast,” Sullivan goes on, “those who practice these four habits always get referred into bigger and better opportunities.”  That should come as no surprise because what he is describing are simply the basic elements of trustworthiness, and trust is the cornerstone of any healthy human relationship.  Patrick Lencioni, in fact, lists “absence of trust” at the base of his pyramid in his popular business book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team.  Or flipping that around to the positive, one might say it is the base of the pyramid listing the five characteristics of a highly functional team.

While it is true that gaining the trust of another human being is foundational in any healthy relationship, it is also important to remember just how fragile that can be; for any violation of trust can cause a relationship to crumble, and for good.  I recall watching a cooking show once on TV when the late humorist and Cajun chef Justin Wilson (no relation) was demonstrating how to make gumbo.  In doing so he was explaining how the most essential spice in Cajun cooking is cayenne pepper.  But be careful, he warned, about adding too much of “da cayenne-a-peppa.”  You can always add more, he said, but if you get too much you’re going to play heck getting it out.  (His language was a bit spicier than that, but you get the point.)

Trust is like that.  We can always add to our trustworthiness – show up on time, do what you say you’re going to do, finish what you start, and say please and thank you – but if you ever violate that trust, you’ll play heck getting it back.  The best advice is to stick with what Jesus taught, “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’, and your ‘No’, ‘No’.”