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“. . . But I have promises to keep, / And miles to go before I sleep, / And miles to go before I sleep.” – Robert Frost, from “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”

Two stories about myself, one good, the other not so good: A friend once came to see me distraught that he had lost his job. What would he do, he begged? My advice was that he go back to work doing something whether for pay or not, do volunteer work if necessary. He has been working ever since. . . . So, good for me for my sage advice, and even more so good for him for following it. But, then recently a client appeared in my office for an appointment only to discover that I had failed to put it on my calendar and had instead scheduled another client. Oops, not so good! It was an honest mistake you might say, but the consequences are nonetheless damaging; for to my client – and me as well – my little blunder represented a promise broken thus forever diminishing my trustworthiness in the eyes of that particular client.

In this time of financial turmoil, banks teetering from scandals and trading losses, great cities and great nations on the brink of financial collapse, high unemployment and an unpredictable future there is a great economic and social opportunity right under our noses. The opportunity belongs to those who work hard and those who keep their promises. Why does it belong to them? Because there is huge demand and short supply of those who do. Yes, many of us – maybe most – work hard when we are employed in our chosen field with good pay and benefits. But how hard are we willing to work when we are out of work, to roll up our sleeves and help someone out with little or no pay? The opportunity is that work begets work, and those who work regardless will be the first to gain employment or get promoted.

So what about keeping promises? Someone asked recently how Tee and I have maintained a successful marriage for over forty years. The answer? We have kept our promises. Apply that principle to anything – ANYTHING – and you will find that long term success is in direct proportion to simply doing what we say we’re going to do.

Such wise words to live by, “I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.”

If you’re a baseball fan there’s no doubt what you’ll be doing tomorrow night as the 83rd All Star game gets underway. If so you might expect to see R. A. Dickey on the mound for the NL, the NY Mets’ pitcher who is currently the only active player in the majors using the knuckleball as his primary pitch. Dickey’s success and fame through the development of his famous knuckleball did not come easily, though. His career has been a rollercoaster ride thinking at one point his arm was shot and his career near its end – until he was encouraged to take a trip back to the minors to develop the knuckleball for which he has now become famous. But that’s not all his story. In his recent autobiography, Wherever I Wind up: My Quest for Truth . . ., Dickey also reveals a rocky childhood having suffered sexual abuse and struggles with suicidal thoughts. Today, besides baseball he also helps operate “Honoring the Father Ministries” which provides food, medical supplies and baseball equipment to the impoverished in Latin America.

We love success stories like Dickey’s, don’t we, people who overcome the greatest odds to accomplish the greatest successes? We all know them – some famous, though most unknown beyond a small circle of friends – from great athletes and statesmen to those who have overcome poverty, dejection, racial discrimination, and illnesses or physical disabilities, who have leveraged their misfortunes into something extraordinary.

In his newest book, Great by Choice, Jim Collins devotes an entire chapter on the role luck plays in success. First of all he reminds us that we all contend with luck, good and bad. In a nutshell, though, his research concludes that good luck is never the determining factor in success nor bad luck in failure, rather it is what we do with the luck we receive. Failure, for instance, is as likely to occur from good luck as it is from bad luck by not taking full advantage of the opportunities it offers. Likewise, bad luck can often times lead to success as much as good luck when we leverage it into something better and useful as with the examples above demonstrate.

R. A. Dickey would never have become a great knuckleballer if his career had not begun to falter. Instead, he became great by choice as Collin’s book title suggests. What kind of luck are you having – good or bad – that could be turned into something great?

Managing time and the demands of life and work is one of the most common issues – if not the number one issue – I deal with in executive coaching. No one who is in any kind of responsible position these days – and that includes students, volunteer workers, parents, and care-givers, as well as those in careers or professions – seems to escape the extreme pressure of time and performance from an increasingly demanding world, myself included.

When confronted with this issue one of the first questions I ask clients is this: “What percentage of your time and / or work do you have control over?” Many will invariably answer that they have very little control, but others say they have a great deal, seventy-five percent or more. Either way what we usually discover is that after dissecting their circumstances most people actually have much more control than they realize.

The problem I have found is that most people allow the demands of life and work to control their time and energy rather than setting priorities so that they can be in control. I know, I know! There are some really demanding bosses out there. But hear me out, either prioritize and gain some control, or you may pay a big price. My friend Diane did.

She and I were great friends and longtime work colleagues. I admired deeply her consummate professionalism and extraordinary work ethic. But therein is where the problem developed. Diane’s husband once confided in me about his concern for how much work she brought home and the late hours she worked. We had the same job, yet I didn’t do that. I tried to coach her in ways to delegate and prioritize, but to no avail. Eventually her health began to fail – at way too young an age – and . . . well her story does not have a happy ending. I still grieve that I could not find a way to help my friend.

Too many of us, I’m afraid, live by demands when we should live by priorities, yet if we can learn to do that we will not only live happier, healthier lives, but also be much more effective and productive than we could ever imagine. Try it for yourself and see what happens. If you need help find a friend, colleague or coach to work with you. It works.

“Bear fruit – fruit that will last . . .” John 15:16

Clifford and Mozelle Killingsworth were neighbors of ours when I was growing up. They were gentle, kind, energetic people, active citizens in the community in almost every way. They especially loved children and young people and devoted themselves to leading and supporting organizations and activities that helped kids. They also owned and operated a lovely gift and jewelry store from which they were able to make a decent living and support a rather nice but modest lifestyle. Mostly, they were the kinds of folks who gave back much of what they gained. So it was because of their relationship with those of us kids in the community, when it came time for us to get married many of us consulted Clifford for the purchase of our rings. It wasn’t just about giving him the business, but more because there was something sacred about the experience of working with Clifford. . . . Years later when Clifford passed away I wrote a note to Mozelle in which I expressed my deep appreciation for the impact the two of them had had on my life, so much so that I felt a part of them would always live within me. Their lives, as you can see, bore fruit – fruit that will last.

Do you have a personal mission statement, a short sentence or phrase that sums up your purpose in life, your core values, something by which to measure every decision you make and action you take? Neither did I until a few years ago when someone urged me to write one. It was a much more difficult exercise than I ever imagined, crafting the exact right words that would authentically describe my purpose in life based on my gifts and personality and my deepest desires. It literally took me months and pages of wadded up scrap paper. Then, inspired by observing people like Clifford and Mozelle through the years, one day I read these words from John 15:16, “bear fruit – fruit that will last.” In an instant I knew that was it. Brief, concise, broadly encompassing, it covers every aspect of my life – marriage, family, business and professional life, how I spend my time and money, the friends I choose, the decisions I make and the actions I take.

If you don’t have a mission statement I urge you to write one. Live by it and your life will move in the direction you always dreamed it would.

True or false: the one who dies with the most toys wins. Or how about the one who has the most money wins? What about the one who is the most brilliant and has the most advanced degrees, or the one who has reached the highest level in his or her organization, the one who has traveled the most, has the most beautiful wife or debonair husband, the best athlete, the most talented artist or musician, has won the most awards, become the most famous or the most powerful? In the end who wins?

You probably know me well enough by now that you’ve already figured out the answer is none of the above, either because it’s a trick question or it is simply obvious. If so you’re correct, none of the above. But who does win in the end? Before we answer that let’s explore a little further.

A man who wrestled mightily with this question was none other than King Solomon, the wisest and richest man who ever lived, and though he had everything and tried almost everything both good and bad, toward the end of his life he came to the conclusion that nothing – I mean nothing – on this earth can fully satisfy a human’s desire for complete fulfillment. “Meaningless! . . . Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless . . . a chasing after the wind,” he declared in his essay we know as the Book of Ecclesiastes.

Alcoholics, it has been described, are not people who drink too much; rather people who can never drink enough. Their thirst for alcohol – their addiction – can never be satisfied. So it is with every earthly desire, as Solomon declares, no matter how much or how little we have it is never enough. Our thirst – our desire for fulfillment – is never satisfied no matter how much we gain, attain, or accomplish.

So in the end who wins? It is not the one with the most stuff, the best things or the most accomplishments. Rather, it is the one with the most gratitude. The one who wins is the one who is thankful for whatever he or she has – and especially thankful to God for providing it. “Fear God and keep his commandments,” Solomon concluded at the end of his essay, “for this is the whole duty of man.” Grateful people are the only ones who ever achieve complete fulfillment; they are the ones who always win in the end.