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It is with great horror that my wife Tee recalls her experience taking high school geometry. It seemed that no matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t get it, it made no sense. But if the course itself had not been bad enough, even worse was the dread of having to ask her father for help who being educated and trained as a civil engineer did not get it as to why she didn’t get it. “Matilda (her real name), don’t you understand!” he would snap after giving her what to him was a perfectly logical explanation. “No, Daddy, I don’t understand!” she would scream as she stormed off to her room in tears. Geometry to my father-in-law the engineer, you see, was as natural as breathing air, but to Tee it might as well have been some long forgotten ancient foreign language.

It would be easy for me to be smug about this story since geometry was easy for me, except I had my own comeuppance when I went off to college thinking I was smart enough to major in pre-med – until I had an encounter with a course called organic chemistry. It was for me like that long forgotten ancient foreign language, besides the fact it was the most boring subject I had ever taken. It put an end to my ambition of ever becoming a doctor – and looking back, boy am I glad it did!

Our greatest potential is in pursuing our passions, the things we are best suited for and that we love to do. Likewise nothing sets us up for misery and drudgery more than trying to be who we are not. That is why many coaches, myself included, often use assessment tools to identify behavioral preferences, personality types, and strengths and weaknesses in our clients. The purpose is not to psychoanalyze, but to raise the client’s awareness as to what makes him or her tick, and through that awareness to help them become the best they can be at who they naturally are – not to make them into something they are not.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses, passions and indifferences, things that energize us and those that drain us, and while it is extremely important that we be exposed to a wide array of subjects and experiences – science, math, history, literature, etc. – it is also essential that we recognize our gifts and passions for what they are. It is only when we allow ourselves to be who we naturally are that we can freely pursue living out our highest potential.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

Tuesday mornings at 7:30 you will almost always find me at the same place, meeting with a small group of men. We’ve been meeting together for years, and unlike what you might think it is not a bunch guys drinking coffee and gabbing about sports and politics, far from it. No, we meet for a specific purpose with a strict agenda that begins with a brief prayer after which each of us shares three things: (1) what is going on in our relationship with God; (2) what each of us is studying to increase his knowledge and understanding; and (3) what we are doing individually to help someone else, or to make the community and the world a better place. That hour on Tuesday morning is without question the most inspiring and powerful time I spend during my week, thus I seldom miss. Nothing I do influences and holds me accountable for the way I live my life from week to week more than spending time with that group of friends. It is for me as the old Proverb so wisely proclaims, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

This is exactly what coaching is all about. Often misperceived as advisors, counselors, or consultants who are experts in a particular field, coaches instead are men and women whose primary function is to sharpen others as iron sharpens iron. And as much as those of us engaged in this profession receive pleasure from watching our clients hone their abilities to become more effective at what they do, we often magically discover that we too have been sharpened. For me it is a rare instance when at the conclusion of meeting with a coaching client I have not benefited at least as much if not more than he or she has. And the more I have experienced this dual benefit the more I have come to firmly believe that when people meet together for the purpose of open, authentic and serious dialogue, and are fully present with each other in the process the result will inevitably be that both are sharpened – just as iron sharpens iron.

How blessed I am to have a group of friends who gather weekly to sharpen each other, and how fortunate I am to work in a profession whose function is to do the same.

Both my grandfathers died when I was very young, one when I was only four and the other when I was nine. To this day I am still saddened that we had such brief times together. There have been times throughout my life when one or the other would appear in a dream having conversations with me as if he were alive and well, but of course it was only a dream. But oh how I have longed to have those conversations, to hear their voices, to sit at their feet and ask them questions, to have them share their wisdom.

Having known my two grandfathers for such a brief time I hardly remember a thing either man ever said. But what I do know in spite of that is how they lived their lives. I know, for example, that both were faithful husbands and attentive fathers who loved their families. I know that both were Godly men who were active leaders in their churches and civic leaders the community. I know that although one was financially well off and the other was not, both were extremely generous with what they had, always willing to help those in need as best he could. I know that both were men of outstanding character and integrity, the kind of model citizens we should all strive to be. So even though I remember little of what my two grandfathers ever said, it may be that what I do know about them is enough, enough to have had the positive influence on my life they would have hoped.

Someone once observed that our children will follow our footsteps much more easily than they will follow our advice. I suppose that means that as much as we should guard the words we say we should be even more careful to guide the footsteps we take. Someone is following behind us, where will our footsteps lead them?

I am a luckier man than most to have had such footsteps to follow, not everyone does. But now I’m a grandfather too. Where are my footsteps leading my grandchildren? Where are your footsteps leading those who are following you?

How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! Psalm 133:1

We live in a world of extreme and perpetual conflict. Pay attention to the news on any given day and we see it at every level of society from nations at war to family squabbles. None of us likes conflicts yet we all participate in them, sometimes being the cause and at other times defending ourselves and what we believe in.

Isn’t it fascinating to consider why human beings can’t get along given that by nature we are all pursuing the same basic needs and desires? Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) brilliantly categorized and prioritized these universal human needs in what he termed as the “hierarchy of needs”, the most basic of which is “physiological”. That is, we need air to breath, food, water, sleep, etc. Once that is satisfied humans pursue “safety” which includes such things as shelter, employment, resources, health and other forms of security. After that humans need “love and a sense of belonging”; then “esteem” or a feeling of self-worth and accomplishment. Then at the top of the hierarchy is what Maslow describes as “self-actualization”, the highest form of human need which includes things such as creativity, morality, and problem solving. Every human being, according to Maslow, lives at some level along the hierarchy and once the needs at that level are met – if indeed they are – will move up to the next.

So, if humans are all striving to meet the same needs why do we not understand each other better, thus throwing ourselves into conflict? I certainly have my own opinions and views philosophically, politically, and theologically, but sometimes when I consider the many conflicts in our world and society it occurs to me to ask, isn’t everyone really striving for the same things – basic physiological needs, peace and security, community and a sense of belonging, education and self-worth, and the opportunity to perform at our highest potential? Thus conflicts seem to occur not in the “what” but in the “how”.

Perhaps if we could all pause occasionally to agree that we are all striving to attain the same end results we could better negotiate the “how” to get there. Then we might experience “how good and pleasant it is when [all people] live together in unity!”

When I was in seventh grade I remember attending a dance one time, one of those typical junior high affairs where the girls sat on one side of the room and the boys on the other while the adult chaperones stood in the middle of the room coaxing us to dance. Remember those? This one was no different – same punch, same cookies and pimento cheese sandwiches, same music from a stack of 45 rpm’s playing on someone’s portable hi-fi, same bashful bunch of boys on one side of the room and equally bashful girls on the opposite side. Why this particular occasion was more memorable than the many others I attended remains a mystery. All I know is that I went to bed that night conscious of the fact that I had just experienced a perfect day, and made myself a promise to never forget that moment – a rare and unusually mature thought for me at that age. Now here it is fifty years later and I still remember, but why? What made it a perfect day?

Our dog Cowgirl knows a perfect day when she has one. It begins by going out with us for a morning run, but what really makes for a perfect day is if we happen to stir up some sort of wild critter along the way. Rabbits are her favorite. Chasing a rabbit, for her that’s a perfect day!

What’s a perfect day for you? My bet is it’s not a junior high dance, and probably not chasing rabbits either. I’m guessing, though, it probably does have something to do with hanging out with close friends and family, or participating in one of your favorite activities or sports. But I’m also guessing it’s more than that.

A friend of ours once told about being approached by a co-worker on a particularly tense day in the office. “Is it a good day or a great day?” the co-worker asked our friend, who quickly responded, “Need more choices!” Then . . . . after a little more thought she got it. The co-worker was simply playing a mind game, and a clever one at that. Bad day was not an option, only good or great.

That junior high dance was a perfect day for one good reason, I had chosen for whatever reason to eliminate all the other options. You can have a perfect day, too – today! – just by eliminating all the other choices. So go and have a perfect day!