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“Over time, I have grown more comfortable with mystery rather than certainty.”              – Philip Yancey 

About the rugged pioneers who settled the rural West Texas county where I was raised, historian Carmen Taylor Bennett wrote these words:  “This is not a story of weak-willed people, but necessarily one of men with steel in their veins . . . They were in big part a people who had left the security of friends and relation behind; had loaded scant household goods on sorry wagons and behind poor teams made their long journey west.  And at night as they sat by their small smoking camp fires, fed by cow and buffalo chips, there burned in their hearts a brighter flame of hope and the prayer that the dim trails they followed led to a home of their own and a better way of life for them and for the ones they loved.” 

Courageous risk-takers these pioneers surely must have been.  Yet more than risk-takers they were people of faith; for by its very definition on the other side of risk there must be an element of faith.  As Yancey says, “Faith means striking out, with no clear end in sight and perhaps even no clear view of the next step.  It means following, trusting, and holding out a hand to an invisible Guide.”  

If indeed there emerges any value from the painful economic decline of recent months it would be to remind us that security and certainty within this earthly life is a myth.  Ask anyone whose job has been lost, whose 401k value all but evaporated, whose health benefits have been reduced or eliminated.  Once secure and fairly certain about their future many frugal hard-working citizens from around the globe have found themselves in positions of insecurity and uncertainty through no particular fault of their own.  

So it is that in such times as these we are wise to return to the spirit of our rugged pioneer ancestors who forged through life with no illusion of security or certainty; rather they were guided by sense of faith – faith in themselves, faith in one another, faith in God – and the “prayer that the dim trails they followed led to a home of their own and a better way of life for them and for the ones they loved.”

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  – Acts 20:35 

For most of my life I thought this quote was intended to make us feel guilty, meaning that it is good to be a “giver” and bad to be a “getter”.  But that’s not the point of it at all.  It is not intended to be some sort of do it-or-else command; rather it is offered as sage advice, the kind that we might expect from a wise elder.  Since we all come into this world as infants who are capable only of getting, giving is a behavior we must learn.  And the result from giving is something unexpected, that our lives will be blessed.  It is one of the great paradoxes of life. 

In recent years I have been on several trips into Central America to help the poor who live there.  My first time to do this was probably motivated by feeling a little guilty that I had more than enough and needed to give some away.  Admittedly my trip began with a bit of an Ugly American attitude, that I had much to give and the impoverished people would be grateful for my generosity.  What occurred, though, was the reverse.  I quickly discovered that what I had to give them paled in comparison to what they had to give me.  I learned much more about generosity, friendship, sharing, and love from them than they could ever have gained from me.  

The same experience holds true in my coaching business.  I am often times hired to coach leadership teams and small work groups, and what I have discovered in doing so is that I learn more from them about small group dynamics than they ever gain from my expertise as a coach.  

“My own experience,” according to Ken Blanchard, “about all the blessings in my life is that the more I give away, the more that comes back.  That is the way life works. . . .”  Simply put, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  It is sage advice about one of the great paradoxes of life.

How would you describe your best day?  I know how I would, it just happened yesterday.  For the first time since our two little granddaughters were born we had our whole family together.  It was the first time the two cousins had met each other.  There were dozens of photo-ops as you can imagine watching them play together, each one just walking or learning to walk.  We all laughed, played games, and ate too much as we shared stories about raising children.  Having our brood all together gave Tee and I a sense of joy and completeness about our family.  It was our best day. 

Best days don’t just occur on rare occasions like that one, though.  It’s not just about having family or friends around in some ideal setting when everything is perfect.  If that were the case most of us would wait a lifetime.  Instead to experience a best day is to feel and express unconditional love knowing that it cannot be taken away.  It is about joy rather than happiness which are not necessarily the same thing.  Yesterday, for example, was not without tears.  Madeline and Zoey, our granddaughters, both had occasions of falling down, bumping their heads or mashing their little fingers.  I’m not sure it’s possible for a one-year-old to go through a day without tears.  Yet there was joy in the midst of tears, for there was never a doubt about how much they were loved. 

Best days occur not from luck or coincidence but because we choose for them to happen.  We all have a choice, not so much in regard to our life circumstances, but in regard to how we respond to those circumstances.  Two people can be victims of the same accident, for instance, and for one it becomes a source of resentment while for the other it is a source of gratitude.  Some people become bitter in old age, others joyful.  It’s a choice.  Watching two happy little girls frolic and play was a result of the choices their parents have made in raising their families, to be loving and devoted moms and dads – of children being a blessing rather than a burden.  It’s a choice. 

Yesterday did not happen by accident.  It was the result of years of loving and caring within our family through multiple generations and the choices made along the way.  It was our best day. . . . How would you describe your best day?

When my grandmother realized that she could no longer live alone and must leave the home where she had resided for almost seventy years, she did so without even a hint of resistance.  Her only request from among the innumerable worldly possessions that filled her big rambling two-story house was an old Seth Thomas mantel clock, a family heirloom older than she that had been keeping time through every season of her long life.  It was a modest petition and only fitting that they should remain together while she lived out this last of her seasons.  So except for the old time piece my grandmother simply let everything else go without blinking an eye, a lifetime accumulation of worldly goods each with its own special memories.  Thus, with the old clock ticking away in her small room, my grandmother’s final years were graceful ones as she grew deeper in faith, hope, peace, and love, sharing her wisdom with her beloved family whenever she could.  It was her final gift to us. 

Letting things go is not just a lesson about facing old age, though.  It is a lesson for all of life; for it is only by letting go that we create space for new growth.  A young entrepreneur who starts a successful business, for example, must sooner or later hire an employee or bring in a partner, and in doing so let go of some of his responsibilities, if not the business will fail to grow.  A newlywed couple must relinquish some of their habits from the single life in order for their relationship to grow.  Parents as their children mature must slowly let go of their grip so the child can grow into a responsible adult.  

Letting go is not so much an act of will or courage as it is an act of faith and of hope.  It is an act of faith in others to whom we relinquish, and it is also an act of faith in ourselves that in releasing control we are creating space for our own personal growth.  And it is an act of hope, for hope is the belief that the future can and will be greater than the past.  Through faith and hope we create freedom – freedom to let go, providing space to grow in knowledge and wisdom, in grace, peace and love, just like my grandmother did.  When we do we are living in the image of God who did exactly the same thing when He created mankind.

“Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.”  Hebrews 13:2 

Ted as you may or may not recall is a gentleman I had mentioned sometime back in a previous Abundant Living.  He was a checker in a large supermarket in our neighborhood, and the story I had told was of how customers would choose Ted’s checkout lane over shorter ones because being checked out by Ted was worth the wait.  He always had a friendly smile, a story to tell, a conversation to carry on, and he seemed to know each customer’s name BEFORE he scanned their preferred customer card.  Simply put, Ted made people feel comfortable and at home.  

A few months ago Ted’s beloved wife passed away after a lengthy illness, and since that time Ted has been forced to retire due to some health issues of his own.  A few days ago Tee and I ran into Ted at a nearby Home Depot store.  It’s the first time we had seen him since his retirement.  We expressed our condolences over the loss of his wife, that he had been in our thoughts and prayers, and that we missed seeing him in the supermarket.  Ted responded cheerfully that he missed seeing us, too.  Then he went on to say this, “So many people like you have been so kind.  I think I must be the most prayed over and loved man on the face of the earth.” 

Hospitality does not have to be an elaborate activity as we sometimes think it should be.  It’s nothing more, in fact, than what Ted has always done in the supermarket, that is making people feel comfortable and at home.  Should it surprise us, then, that Ted feels like the most prayed over and loved man on the face of the earth?  It shouldn’t.  After all, he’s spent most of his life entertaining strangers, and by doing so I’m willing to bet he’s entertained a few angels along the way, probably without knowing it.  Now that’s Abundant Living!